Dear Ms Vicki,
My daughter's husband is stationed at a US Air force Base. He has been verbally abusive, threatening her and threatening to kill himself. Finally, she moved out with their one-year-old son.
Since then, he has let the air out of her tires, and he knows where, when and what she eats. He has shown up at her work after dark waiting in the parking lot. He just last night threw a toy at her TV and shattered it. He sends 50 texts a day and if she doesn't respond he will call excessively until she does. She has no family in Colorado and wants to leave the state to get away from him.
I tried to reach the commander and he was out for the Christmas Holiday and so I asked for an email. They gave what was obviously a general mailbox. I asked for one directly to him and was told I had to tell them what it was regarding. I gave them the same information I just gave you and no identifying information. I didn't get the email, and within the hour her husband called her screaming and freaking out. She has been to JAG...no help. He has said he put in a false police report that she hit him. He demands access to her and the child at all times. The baby has been injured twice in his care! The second time he couldn't even be bothered to give the child medical attention.
She wants to leave the state but he won't give permission and Colorado law will not allow her to leave, and she's been told he would get custody and she would never see her son again. What do we do?
Sincerely,
Daughter's Keeper
Dear Daughter's Keeper,
This is terrible and sounds very dangerous. First of all, I think your daughter should contact a Victims Advocate. They work expeditiously in these matters on behalf of the person in danger and the children too.
Is she living near an Air Force base or Army base? If it's the former, she needs to contact the Army Community Service. If it's an Air Force base then it's Airmen and Family Readiness. The Victims Advocate will advise her of the reporting rights and directly contact commanders.
In the meantime, she should know to contact the local police and file a report and the military police too about his behavior. Contact his commander again -- if his commander is absent there is always an officer or NCO in charge. His behavior should be reported and not tolerated. In my professional opinion, he should not be around her and she should return home.
Two more things, if you are concerned that your grandchild's safety may be in jeopardy, then I think you should make a report to Child Protective Services. Make the report to them and let them decide if they need to follow up with your son-in-law and your daughter regarding the child.
Lastly, she can contact Military OneSource 24/7 for resources, advice and assistance. Their number is 800-342-9647. I hope your daughter and her child are doing okay since you wrote to me. Please let me know how everything is going. Thank you for caring.
Sincerely,
Ms. Vicki
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