Becoming a Gold Star Mother is a profound and bittersweet distinction that no mother deserves or wants, yet many carry the distinction with a sense of pride and honor. It signifies that a mother has lost a child in active military service. The title reflects their courage and resilience, and the memories of their sons and daughters.
Gold Star Mothers often unite in support of one another, helping families navigate the grief of their immense loss while keeping the memory of their fallen heroes alive.
Gold Star Mothers Day is observed on the last Sunday of September every year.
How 'Gold Star' Came to Be
The tradition of the Gold Star began during World War II. During the early days of the war, a blue star was used on service flags and hung in homes and businesses to represent each living active-duty service member.
As American troops were killed in combat, the gold star was superimposed on the blue star to honor the service member for their ultimate sacrifice.
Eventually, the mothers of those fallen service members became known as Gold Star Mothers, and their families Gold Star Families.
There's an Organization to Help Them
While all mothers of fallen service members are considered Gold Star Mothers, there's a veterans service organization they can join for support known as the American Gold Star Mothers.
The group was launched in 1928 by Grace Darling Seibold, whose son disappeared while fighting in World War I. She spent years working at veterans hospitals in hopes of finding him.
Seibold eventually learned of her son's death but continued her community service, organizing a group of mothers of the fallen so they could comfort each other and care for those veterans confined to military hospitals far from home.
Patti Elliott, the current national president of American Gold Star Mothers, is the mother of Army Reserve Spc. Daniel "Lucas" Elliott, 21, who lost his life in 2011 while serving in Basra, Iraq.
Elliott says she knows Lucas "would have been looking out for and advocating for his brothers and sisters in service."
"It's my job to stand in that gap left by his loss and be that advocate for them," she says.
Elliott says her involvement in American Gold Star Mothers "has helped me channel the grief and pain of losing my son into service to others."
Over 140 Chapters Nationwide
Today, the American Gold Star Mothers organization has about 1,000 active members and over 140 chapters nationwide.
Often, members of the general public who have no family history of military service may not understand what a Gold Star Family is.
"Through education and outreach efforts, we encourage our communities to not only honor those who have served but to remember the fallen and they leave the families they leave behind," Elliott says.
While American Gold Star Mothers is a veterans service organization, chapters regularly host gatherings and events that include the entire family and provide a much needed feeling of bonding and social connections.
It's All About Support
So why do these women join American Gold Star Mothers? It's simple: to get support from others who know their pain. No matter when you start the journey, it's a long one, and it's never over.
Some of its chapters have professional mental health trained members, but all chapters are connected to resources and can guide members in the right direction if professional help is needed.
Serving Their Communities
Each chapter selects projects that best serve their communities.
"In areas around major military installations, chapters will participate in send-offs and homecomings, events around the holidays, sponsor baby showers for expectant military members and various other service projects," Elliott says. "In smaller communities, they assist with Family Days for National Guard and Army Reserve units."
These Gold Star Mothers are active year-round. Members volunteer thousands of hours yearly in VA-connected care facilities, from VA hospitals to vet centers to Fisher House to national cemeteries. Many chapters raise funds to support Wreaths Across America and participate in placing wreaths and cleanups at local cemeteries.
How Can Gold Star Mothers Get Involved?
Any Gold Star Mothers interested in joining American Gold Star Mothers can contact a chapter in their area.
"Each chapter becomes a 'family' within itself," Elliott says. In each chapter meeting, "mothers know that they can walk in and talk about their hero and their grief if they want, but there is a shared sense of understanding that we are all there as the end result of similar tragedy.
"We have all had those occasions when someone in the public says, 'I know how you feel,'" Elliott adds. "In a group of Gold Star Mothers, they truly do."
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Katie Lange, DoD News, Defense Media Activity, contributed to this report.
