I dreamed I was putting brown shoe polish on a red shoe. I woke up in a cold sweat. It was the first sign I had taken the wrong job -- and I had not even started the job yet.
What was your first clue that you took the wrong job after a move or after your military transition? It is a tough career spot to be in as a veteran or a military spouse, but you can break free with just a few simple questions.
Is Your New Job a Nightmare?
Transitioning from one career to another is not easy for anyone, even civilians. I was transitioning from writing about, studying and training active-duty military and their families to working with transitioning veterans. In my previous job, I was the one in front of the crowd, designing live events, writing every day, making people laugh. I felt like a red shoe, baby.
But a job as a Transition Assistance Program (TAP) instructor? I could see it was a civilian brown shoe-kind of job before I applied. I took it because I needed more direct experience with real military job seekers if I was going to help anyone.
Still, I knew I was a red shoe covering up my real work self in order to get the job, just like so many of my transitioning veterans and spouses do.
I was not wrong. The trainer I was shadowing on my first day was the kind of solid, brown shoe instructor who followed the rules and read every single PowerPoint slide to a class of tortured adults. I squirmed in my chair. I could never, ever do this. How rude would it be to slink out of the classroom and forget to come back?
Then I got lucky. Our boss showed up on-site as a substitute instructor. "Come with me," she said. She rolled in on her own class with stories and active coaching and an incredible depth of information and insight. The hours flew by. The students were fully engaged. She was using the same slides in the same order as every other instructor, but she was giving it the red shoe treatment. I knew I could, too.
I think about that whenever I reconnect with my veteran clients. Even though you have good reasons to take a particular job, you can't always predict whether it is going to be a good fit or not. This may be the reason such a large proportion of military members leave their first civilian job within the first two years.
You veterans and spouses do not typically rage quit. You do not "quiet quit." You just keep putting brown shoe polish on a red shoe until you can't do it anymore. Please know that grinding it out is not the only option. Nor is quitting.
The first year or so after military service (and the first year for spouses in a new duty station) are full of unfamiliar obstacles. The more you figure out what is really going on, the more likely you are to come up with the right solution for yourself.
If you are suffering in your current civilian job, you can start by asking yourself these seven powerful questions and check the corresponding rules of thumb:
1. Is It Me?
Sometimes, you really are a bad fit for a particular job. Maybe you are an extrovert hired for a job that was supposed to be hybrid but was turned into 100% work from home -- and the silence is driving you crazy. Maybe you are a huge introvert hired for a business development job that turns out to require a lot of networking, cold calls and traveling to trade fares to chat up the customer.
Rule of Thumb: If you can't see yourself staying at this job for two or three years but you like the company, start looking for new opportunities. Is there a better position opening on your team in the next few months? Is there a contract your company is trying to win that you would be better suited for? Can you look for ways to shape your job to make it suit your personality better?
Find out more about how you can use your personality type to land the right kind of job with our newest transition master class, "The Introvert Advantage: How Introverts Can Beat the Extrovert to the Job Offer" on Thursday, July 20, at 4 p.m. Eastern. Sign up today.
2. Is It Military Memory?
Civilian culture shock is tough on new veterans. The civilian environment is so different from the military that it is easy to secretly think you have made a horrible mistake. This is usually marked by thoughts such as, "I never should have left the military." Or, "Another move was not that bad. The kids would have enjoyed moving three times during high school." Or, "I want to go home for lunch and never come back."
Rule of Thumb: Know that this is a fairly typical experience. It takes time to wrap your brain around a new life. The rule of thumb is that it takes one month of civilian life for every year you spent in the military before you feel 100% like yourself again. Take a breath and keep moving forward.
3. Is It the Job?
This is rare, but sometimes, you find that you have been catfished on the job; they've pulled a bait-and-switch, and the job you thought you would be doing somehow turned into telemarketing. Or it is an unintended catfish because your new company lost its contract, so it found something else for you to do.
Rule of Thumb: If the job is abusive, dangerous or illegal, quit as soon as you can. If the position is simply different than what you expected but still pays the same, you might wait it out. Sometimes, this is the civilian version of getting stashed. Talk to your manager about what you can expect in the future.
4. Is It the Boss?
Most people do not quit a job; they quit a bad boss. Micromanagers, screamers, nitpickers and absentee bosses are hard to identify during a job interview.
Rule of Thumb: Most military members have worked for a bad boss at some time during their careers. You had to deal with it until you (or they) transferred. It is not so cut and dried in the civilian world. If the work is good, you can take that boss on as an experiment and figure out how to handle them better. You can be on the lookout for a position with a better boss. Or as one recent client told me, "When someone asks if you want to be transferred to a different supervisor, say yes."
5. Is It the Money?
The compensation package sounded fine at first. Yes, it was less than you were making in the military, but with your retirement pay or disability pay, you would break even.
Then you find out about state taxes. Or you start paying civilian rates for child care. Or you realize that you have applied for a job that was way beneath your ability level. Then they want you to work overtime and the words "rage quit" have a certain appeal.
Rule of Thumb: Money is not the only thing, but it is a thing. For military personnel who are used to supporting their family, a big pay cut is a huge dissatisfier. Often, this is the result of needing to take a job quickly or not doing enough research about salary in your area. Get back in the job market before you need a new job with our FREE master class, Stealth LinkedIn: The Real Way LinkedIn Can Help You Get the Job.
6. Is There Something to Learn Here?
Sometimes, the problem with a new job or a new company is that it is, in fact, new to you. The brain is not crazy about new things, especially when you were so successful in your old job. So your brain goes on high alert and whispers unhelpful things, such as how you made a giant mess of your transition and you will never be happy here. This is typically not true.
Rule of Thumb: Look for what you can learn. I sometimes hear from military members who feel like they mastered their new job in a few days or weeks. They are impatient with the pace. There is more to it than that. Meaning, value, experience and knowledge usually come in waves on a new job. Look deeper.
7. Is There a Career Coach Available?
When you are going through a transition, a career coach can be so helpful. Career problems often benefit from being brought out into the light. Coaching is not therapy; it is strategy -- and one of the advantages of your new civilian life.
Rule of Thumb: Join forces with someone who wants to help you as soon as possible. You can come to a career coach like me to map out a plan. Most of us do not charge for the first meeting to make sure we are a good fit. Also, many companies offer free leadership coaching or a veteran employee group with mentoring opportunities. Reach out and see what happens next.
Jacey Eckhart is Military.com's transition master coach. She is a certified professional career coach and military sociologist who helps military members get their first civilian job by offering career-level Master Classes through our Veteran Employment Project and on her website, SeniorMilitaryTransition.com. Reach her at Jacey.Eckhart@Monster.com.
Find Your Next Job Fast
Transitioning military, veterans and spouses may be qualified for the job, but they are missing the secrets of civilian hiring. Find out everything you need to know with our FREE master class series, including our next class. You can view previous classes in our video library. Questions for Jacey? Visit our Facebook page.
